Even If The Sky Is Falling Down

I’ve felt really off this year. There are new health things that have popped up, and I’m not sure how to deal with them. They don’t seem very important on their own. Together, though, they could indicate a more serious illness. It terrifies me. I don’t want to check it out until things get worse. If things get worse. My logic is that the body can take care of itself, and it’s normal to have little ups and downs. Maybe it’s stress-related. There are so many factors that could mean absolutely nothing. That’s one issue. The other is much more immediate. I don’t want to talk about it on here, since I know a few of my followers in real life. I’m afraid they would overreact to something that isn’t their problem. In fact, I hope they’ll give me a chance to take care of it on my own if they do read this. But I do need to worry about it. This thing has been in my mind for a while, and tonight I had a strong urge to go through with it. During my shift at work it suddenly hit me. I wanted to be alone, in privacy. I’ve never tried or seriously wanted to do it, but I was so frustrated because I couldn’t. I made myself busy and the feeling passed. I know it’ll come back, though. I’m a fairly stubborn person, but I don’t know if I could keep myself from doing it if I knew that nobody could see me. And it can’t become a pattern.